"One day you'll awaken to true loves kiss...until then sleeping beauty, sleep on." -Sleeping Beauty
"All the babies look good." my Dr. is quietly telling me as she uses the magic wand to check over each baby..."Baby A..looks good. Baby B..looks good. Baby C..looks good. Baby D.........."
"You see how all the babies have this black space around them?" As she points out the fluid in every sac on the ultrasound screen.
"Yes.." I replied, holding my breath just waiting for the other glass slipper to drop.
"Well, you see how Baby D doesn't have any more space? That means this baby lost it's amniotic fluid. It needs that fluid to survive, I'm so sorry."
"There is still a heartbeat, this little baby is strong. But it won't survive, I'm very sorry. Eventually the heart will stop and the baby will just go to sleep."
I remember laying there being so incredibly confused. Why is this happening? How is this part of my happily ever after? Did I do something wrong? This isn't my story! This isn't the way my fairytale is supposed to be written.
On one hand I'm so incredibly relieved that 3 of my babies are perfectly fine, but on the other hand my heart is broken. Not only was one of my little lambs not going to survive but it was fighting for its little life literally inside of me, and there is nothing, was nothing I can do to help. I couldn't save them.
"Its early enough on that your body will just take care of it naturally. We don't have to do anything drastic that will effect the other babies." My Dr. said,
So not to be to blunt or graphic- but at this point I'm thinking. Soo not only is my child going to die..but they are fighting for their life inside of me and I can't do anything. And then they are just going to disappear as if they never were?
"What kind of fucked up fairytale bull shit is THIS?!" I remember saying to my husband crying my eyes out.
I had been rescued by my handsome prince from my dark dungeon, he sleighed the fertility dragon, we were waiting for our little princesses and princes to arrive, then this happens????
I guess this is the part in the fairytale when the evil queen surfaces and casts a spell... and sadly, this spell can't be broken with true loves kiss.
I tried to save you my sweet child. I prayed, I wished, I begged. I waited for my fairy god mother to show up and make this all go away. To wave her magic wand and POOF, the spell would be broken.
But it never happened.
In my mind you are fast asleep..waiting patiently for me to get to you and awaken you with true loves kiss. Rest assure my beautiful prince/princess, someday I will be there. Until then, just sleep my little one. Rest your little eyes, and mommy will be there soon.
I love you.
Written in loving memory of "Baby Boston Robles."
"At the stroke of 12 the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before."- Cinderella
I was around 18 weeks pregnant when I was finally able to make an appointment with a local
sonogram office. I had gone to this place probably 3 times before hand and had no luck trying to find out the gender of our babies. What can I say, I'm inpatient! :) This place was like a fairytale in itself. Painted with bright colors, tv screens in separate rooms so that you can bring family in and while they are doing the ultrasound your family is able to be watching from the other room. Sweet lullabies played in the back round as I managed to hobble onto the ultrasound table. Which may seem like nothing but when your already plus size, and then add carrying FOUR babies inside of you.. little things like getting up onto a table can take a village.
In case you arnt a plus size mama bear let me tell you how an ultrasound works, for us. Normally they put that cold jelly on your perfectly cute little bump and bibbidi bobiddi boo! Your baby appears on the monitor/screen. For a plus size woman its a little different. It requires going A LOT lower to the Netherlands with the ultrasound magic wand, A LOT more pressure, and A LOT more searching. You'd think with FOUR of them in there it wouldn't be difficult to find something lol.
After about 15 minutes we finally located my identical twins. Now getting them to not "hide" their little privates was another issue. "Can you cough for me" "Can you roll over to one side" "Can you get off the table and jump up and down right quick".........we were literally trying everything to get these kids to show us what they were workin' with.
Then, ill never forget looking at the screen and seeing the words slowly appear..
"I'M A GIRL!!!"
WHAT?! WAIT WHAT?!?! So not only are we having a our little prince, but you mean to tell me that we are having TWO PRINCESSES to?!?! I legit felt like I was Gods favorite. In that moment it felt like everything we had been praying and trying for for the last 5 years was finally coming full circle. Our family was about to be entirely complete!
I cried and cried all the way out of the ultrasound appointment. I remember getting into the car and just looking at my husband with what felt like pixie dust floating all around me. Gazing into my husbands eyes with my heart so incredibly full. For what felt like eternity we had been praying to just be able to create life with each other. And we were finally able to make that dream come true.
I can't even begin to tell you how much it breaks ones heart to be so incredibly in love with someone..and all you want in the world is to create life with them..and it just feels like it will never ever happen. It literally breaks your heart.
We left our appointment and immediately went to my favorite store, Target. I couldn't walk normally around stores or anywhere really without feeling faint so I loaded me and my small gang into the electric carts and started filling it with the most adorable outfits! One of the first things I picked up was a blue bathing suite with ruffles on the butt (of course), little red hearts all over it,and a matching white sun hat. "Don't forget we need to get TWO of those" my husband said.
HOLY CRAP! LOL! we have TWO little girls!! We kept telling each other through out the store.
So two little 4th of july 6 month bathing suits with ruffles on the butts! CHECK! and CHECK!
About 2 hours and $600.00 later we were leaving Target. You women out there already know how that goes. I had only thrown up about 3 times this entire trip which was pretty good for me at this point in my pregnancy. I was exhausted and all I wanted was to get home, take a shower, and then go to sleep. So thats just what we did.
"Yes my child, but like all dreams...well, I'm afraid this can't last forever."-Cinderella
I got out of the shower, after being on cloud 9 and singing to my belly. This is something I always did when i was in the shower. I would hold my belly and sing as loud as I could to my little lambs. Mostly love songs, occasionally when I had the energy I would sing Beyonce's "Love On Top" when I had the energy. Cuz one does not just simply sing to Beyonce, you must dance. :)
I step out of the shower and begin to dry myself off when all of a sudden it felt like I was peeing myself. Not like a huge stream but enough to notice started trickling down my leg.
"Did I legit just piss myself??" I remember saying out loud.
"I know your pregnant with quads girl but somethings are just not acceptable." I continued talking to myself.
I yelled for my husband and let him know what was going on and he said we should call the Dr. Just to be safe.
2 hours later.. I was in the Emergency room with my Dr. and she was giving me an ultrasound making sure everything was ok.
And of course.... it wasn't..
::Clock Strikes 12::