"One day you'll awaken to true loves kiss...until then sleeping beauty, sleep on." -Sleeping Beauty
"All the babies look good." my Dr. is quietly telling me as she uses the magic wand to check over each baby..."Baby A..looks good. Baby B..looks good. Baby C..looks good. Baby D.........."
"You see how all the babies have this black space around them?" As she points out the fluid in every sac on the ultrasound screen.
"Yes.." I replied, holding my breath just waiting for the other glass slipper to drop.
"Well, you see how Baby D doesn't have any more space? That means this baby lost it's amniotic fluid. It needs that fluid to survive, I'm so sorry."
"There is still a heartbeat, this little baby is strong. But it won't survive, I'm very sorry. Eventually the heart will stop and the baby will just go to sleep."
I remember laying there being so incredibly confused. Why is this happening? How is this part of my happily ever after? Did I do something wrong? This isn't my story! This isn't the way my fairytale is supposed to be written.
On one hand I'm so incredibly relieved that 3 of my babies are perfectly fine, but on the other hand my heart is broken. Not only was one of my little lambs not going to survive but it was fighting for its little life literally inside of me, and there is nothing, was nothing I can do to help. I couldn't save them.
"Its early enough on that your body will just take care of it naturally. We don't have to do anything drastic that will effect the other babies." My Dr. said,
So not to be to blunt or graphic- but at this point I'm thinking. Soo not only is my child going to die..but they are fighting for their life inside of me and I can't do anything. And then they are just going to disappear as if they never were?
"What kind of fucked up fairytale bull shit is THIS?!" I remember saying to my husband crying my eyes out.
I had been rescued by my handsome prince from my dark dungeon, he sleighed the fertility dragon, we were waiting for our little princesses and princes to arrive, then this happens????
I guess this is the part in the fairytale when the evil queen surfaces and casts a spell... and sadly, this spell can't be broken with true loves kiss.
I tried to save you my sweet child. I prayed, I wished, I begged. I waited for my fairy god mother to show up and make this all go away. To wave her magic wand and POOF, the spell would be broken.
But it never happened.
In my mind you are fast asleep..waiting patiently for me to get to you and awaken you with true loves kiss. Rest assure my beautiful prince/princess, someday I will be there. Until then, just sleep my little one. Rest your little eyes, and mommy will be there soon.
I love you.
Written in loving memory of "Baby Boston Robles."