I can remember being in high school driving to school with my dad when he turn to me and says "I heard this song the other day, and it reminded me of you."
He then began to play this song...
"Video"- India Arie
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…
For most of my life I've always been asked "How are you so confident? Where do you get your confidence from?" Or told "I wish I had your confidence." I'd like to say I developed it over time or had a lot to do with it myself. But to be honest, it really wasn't me at all. I started gaining weight around the time my mom left my brother and I, probably around 6 years old. Just me, my older brother, and my dad..Mr. Mom. I had tons of friends, was involved in cheerleading, softball, loved to sing, dance, swim. Maybe I had blinders on but I really didn't think I looked any different than any of my friends- body wise.
They wanted to climb trees, I'm coming up right behind you!
They wanted to shop at the mall for clothes, my dad dropped us off!
They wanted to play softball or sign up for cheerleading, lets do it!
They wanted to run for homecoming queen, I did that to and was homecoming princess thank you very much! :)
Other than a random totally off person calling me "fat" or something.. I never knew I looked "different" and I never for one second thought I couldn't do anything that every other girl could.
Anything you can do I can do better, right? :)
I remember being around 9 years old on vacation with my dad and brother. Which as long as a place had a pool, me and my brother were on vacation! We were in Laughlin at the Harris hotel when for some reason I didn't have a bathing suit. As a mermaid, I HAD to have a bathing suit! So me and my dad went to a store nearby to look for one. I remember seeing this bikini hanging on the rack and instantly falling in love with it. It was this white/sheer type of color with specks of gold all throughout it! ugh! My little mermaid self HAD to have it! But to my shock and dismay, when I told my dad that this was the bathing suit I wanted, he had hesitation.
"No bubbie, (Derivative of my nickname bubba) I don't think it will look right on you," - he said.
With all the confusion in the world I replied "HUH?? Look right??? I don't get it?" He literally could have been speaking another language, I was THAT confused and bewildered.
Looking back on it now, I totally understand where my dad was coming from, and Im extremely thankful he didn't proceed with a long conversation about how I was to chubby to wear a two piece bathing suit. Instead, he got me my dream bikini and I had the most amazing vacation swimming and frolicking upon the sea, I mean swimming pool.
As parents I feel like we don't fully grasp how much weight our words hold when it comes to our children. If my dad hadn't constantly poured confidence and words of beauty into me when I was a little girl, I can't imagine how different my life would be.
I have been blessed to be apart of so many little girls lives and really listen to how they view themselves. 75% of them think they are unstoppable but there are a few that have negative words of friends, siblings, or sadly parents holding them back from pursuing what their little hearts desire.
Coming from a Mexican household "teasing" was always apart of our culture. I would go back and fourth with my Uncle and cousins and it was never really anything seriously detrimental. But imagine if my confidence wasn't built up the way it had been? Maybe the little tummy poke here, and being called chunky monkey there would have really planted a seed in my heart that ultimately would just grow and grow into self doubt and insecurity........ Just something to think about.
Did I ever deal with body image issues? Of course! Did I at some point in my life hate my body, yep! Show me one woman who hasn't. And thats sad! Life is far to short to hate anything, especially your own body! There was a point in my life when I cared far to much about what other people thought about my body. I wouldn't swim at the beach, I wouldn't show my arms during the summer, and I wouldn't be caught dead in the pool unless wearing a bathing suit..and shorts..and a shirt on top. Im surprised I didn't damn SINK with all those clothes on in the pool! It wasn't until I had my quadruplets that I finally started loving my body again like I did when I was younger. But if it wasn't for those small seeds of confidence poured into me as a child I don't think I would have ever found my way back.
I guess my message with this post is to Love yourself! Life is far to short! And you are absolutely perfect just the way you are! Not in 6 months when you lose weight, or when you cut back on carbs, just the way you are RIGHT NOW!
Crochet Swimsuit- LaneBryant
Polka Dot Bikini Top- Target
Adult Tutu-Me (DIY)
Hair- Ebony Beck IG-ThatChickBehindTheChair