We commonly exclaim it was "just like a fairytale," overlooking that most events in fairytales are remarkable for their unpleasantness.
Every night around 6:00pm I would prepare for my lovely injection into the stomach. It wasn't like the first time around where I would simply close my eyes and think of my future child, and that this would all be worth it. Instead I would drudgingly walk over to my husband prepping the injection, lift up my shirt, clinch my fat, and roll my eyes. "See babe, that wasn't that bad right?" My husband would tell me literally after every shot. And I would reply with some sassy comeback like "Yeah, psshh. You don't have to do it." or "Yeah, but its not gonna damn work." This time around was nothing like the first. No excitement, no hopefulness, no musical numbers or singing going on inside my head.
The unpleasant, I mean magical day of insemination had finally arrived. Bloated, sore, grouchy, and ready to be probed we headed in (once again) to the Dr.s office. Just like before, my husband took my hand and prayed over the situation and before I had a chance to roll my eyes for the millionth time, my feet were already in stirrups. The 6 minutes flew by and I was sitting there with my legs up. Figuring it couldn't hurt to give my husbands sperm a little encouragement, I put on a song from Disney's Mulan and laid my iPhone on my belly.
"You must be swift as the coursing river-be a man."
"With all the force of a great typhoon-be a man."
"With all the strength of a raging fire-be a man."
-Mulan; I'll make a man out of you.
but what I was singing in my head was
"Fal-de-ral and fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-faddle-fawdle. All the wishes in the world, are poppycock and twaddle." -Cinderella; Impossible.
Now this waiting game felt almost exactly like the previous one. Except on one occasion, probably 4 days before I was to go in and get my blood work done. I was getting out of my car after a long day, anxious to get home and relax. When all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that literally stopped me in my tracks walking up the drive way. I felt like there was a little girl around me. I had this feeling of girlie-ness that overcame my stomach area. Crazy, I know! Shaking it off I continued about my day. This cycle my Dr. told me to take an at home pregnancy test before coming in to do blood work, so I did. The night before at about 3 am I couldn't sleep and decided what the hell, might as well face this never ever after now right?
I take the test, face it downward on the sink and sit there trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. Trying to pep talk my self into seeing the negative results. "You know its gonna be negative, you KNOW its going to be negative." I kept repeating to myself. I take a deep breath, flip it over, and there it is.. clear as day...
two little pink lines, a positive test!!!!
Before I could even comprehend what was happening, my head was in the toilet and I was throwing up. Nerves? Hormones? Flu? Who knew! But it would continue on for about 6 months.
Driving to the Dr.s the next morning- or a couple hours from when I took the test actually. I kept trying to picture worst case scenarios. Like a defense mechanism so my heart wouldn't be totally shocked and crushed when things didn't go how I had hoped.
-Sorry Mrs. Robles but it was a false positive.
-Sorry Mrs. Robles but your hormone levels are not doubling as they should and you
will probably miscarry again.
These are some of the things I imagined the nurse telling me. I was NOT prepared for the telephone call where she tells everything is doubling as it should and you are 100% pregnant. Could this really be happening? Could our happily ever after FINALLY be going as hoped?? Having never experienced such great news in the baby chapter of our fairytale, I decided to run out and get some pink and blue balloons and have cute set up for when my husband came home. Through out the day he kept calling me to see if I had heard from the Dr. about my test results, and it killed me to not share it with him, But I wanted it to be something special. A moment he would never forget.
I had a giant chalkboard that we used to write love affirmations on each day that now read "In 37 weeks, someone is going to be a daddy." With pink and blue balloons dripping from the ceiling so as soon as he opened the front door he would walk right into them.
He walks in the door and immediately is confused lol poor man. I tell him to read the chalkboard and he has this enormous smile on his face that ill never forget. I told him they called and everything is looking perfect!
Being only about 3 weeks pregnant at this point, It would be about 5 more weeks until we would get to see our beautiful baby in an ultrasound. Remember when I said the party never stops? Well I hope you all have your party hats on,.. cuz its about to go down.