“They could see she was a real Princess and no question about it, now that she had felt one pea all the way through twenty mattresses and twenty more feather beds. Nobody but a Princess could be so delicate.”
― Hans Christian Andersen, The Princess and the Pea: The Graphic Novel
You'd think that finding out your having triplets would be the most intense part of my fairytale. The high point right before the roller coaster does its biggest drop. Well, think again.
From the ultra sound finding out we had triplets to our next one it was about 1 week or so that had went by. Every morning before my husband went to work he would kiss my stomach and say good morning to his 3 little lambs. And together we would pray over them and especially for "Baby C" who we were told had a chance of not surviving.
"Hang in there little lamb. You are beautiful, strong, and so incredibly loved. Fight with everything you have." My husband would whisper with his lips pressed gently against my growing belly.
As scared as I was, there was this incredible sense of wholeness I felt. I felt like I was never alone. Don't get me wrong, it felt a little crowded.. lol. But I always felt complete if that makes any sense.
Even when I was throwing up for the umpteenth time, it didn't matter, I would do it forever as long as my little ones were ok.
So here we go to our next ultra sound. Just my prince, the princess (me), and our three little peas.
Now if you are fortunate enough to have had children, you'll understand this next part. There is something about seeing this little being grow inside of you. It starts out as you turning your head side to side to try and figure out exactly what your looking at on an ultrasound. Then slowly but surely it just blossoms into this tiny little human. You see its teeny tiny heart flicker, you see its little feet kick, and its miniature arms wave. My last ultrasound, to be honest, didn't look like much. They looked like oddly shaped peas with little flutters. What would they look like this time?? It had only been a week or so since I got to see them last so I wasn't expecting to see such a difference.
So we probe up, turn off the lights and there they are. No longer my three little peas, but rather 3 little babies. Just moving around like crazy, developing just as they should with the most beautiful little heart beats. Ok thats it, everything is perfect. See you next week!
That would be to easy.
Before the visit ends my dr. gets very quiet. Moving the probe around and around...and around he begins to change some of the general information on the ultrasound screen. I remember looking at my husband, then looking at the dr, then darting my eyes back to the ultrasound screen.
Can someone please tell me what in the actual hell is going on here?! No one has spoken in what seems like minutes but everyone has this shocked look on their face. Maybe it was the hormones but I was not seeing what everyone else was.
When the Dr. finally speaks, he says..
" So we have a little surprise this morning...and thats that this sac, now has two babies in it."
"So does that mean there is FOUR?!" I mumbled.
"Yep. Thats correct." The Dr. answered.
"And does that mean those two are identical twins????" again I mumbled in disbelief.
"Yep. That correct." The Dr. answered.
quadruplets??? QUADRUPLETS?! As in 1,2,3, FOUR?!?!?!?!
The word shocked doesn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. But then again in the back of my head I'm thinking-" Well, the party never stops so it makes sense."
I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world. And as soon as he told me I had identical twins, I knew that those were my little girls. Call it mothers intuition or whatever. But I just knew that those were them.
Before we could completely float away on our dream cloud we were on, we were yanked back down to reality when our Dr. started telling us that we should consider having what they call a "selective reduction."
Selective reduction (or multifetal pregnancy reduction or MFPR) is the practice of reducing the number of fetuses in a multifetal pregnancy, say quadruplets, to a twin or singleton pregnancy.
All the fancy Dr. lingo to try and put it delicately but in real life it means to kill some of your babies so that the pregnancy isn't so high risk. I know that sounds blunt and extremely un fairytale like, but it is what it is. There really isn't any way to be whimsical about it.
So we finally have created these four perfect little lives, that were just flipping and wiggling and waving to me on the ultrasound screen. And now you are telling me that it would be safer to "reduce" not just one of them. But two of them! My twins!? I have to admit, at that moment, it almost felt like all the wind had been sucked out of our sails. We went from sleighing this infertility bitch of a dragon and are about to ride off into the sunset with our 3-I mean 4 babies when we are told that its strongly recommended we "reduce" half of them.
Leaving the Dr.s office in tears I remember being in the elevator with my husband and telling him
"I know those are my girls. I just know it. I can't reduce them babe, I just can't do it."
After crying and praying in the parking structure for about an hour we decided that we would meet with the specialist our Dr. had recommended. But that we would not be reducing any of our children.
That just would not be a chapter in our fairytale. After all, God created all four of them for a purpose and even tho they are not here yet, Its my job to protect them. So no matter how gigantic this new dragon standing in front of us was, I knew my God was bigger.