I guess its always good to start at the beginning? Well I won't bore you with every single sob story from when I was little up till now. Ill start from when I "Met" my husband Alex. Now I say "met" because I have known my husband since I was 8 years old. He played on the same T-ball team as my older brother. Our families have been friends for many years, in fact I remember being little playing at his house, and watching movies with his grandmother and mom. We went to the same middle school and high school. We even sat relatively close to one another all thru high school at lunch. Crazy huh? So fast forward to 2009. I'm 23 years old, living in AZ and finishing up a discipleship program called Masters Commission when I get tragic news that my brother was involved in an accident. To sum it all up.. that fool got stabbed. "Who's brother gets stabbed??" you may be asking yourself.. mine does. The party never stops around here, maybe I should have mentioned that before? :) So my brother is in this awful altercation and I fly home from AZ to be with my family and see my brother. He is fine by the way. My brother gets out of the hospital right around St. Patricks day and I am still in town getting ready to head back to AZ to finish school in about a week. My brother asked me to be the designated driver to him and his friends that night (3-17-2009) and I agreed. So we are at this pub/bar/grill and in walks my old friend Alex Robles. From the minute he arrived we were inseparable. We hung out all night catching up on life, listening to music, and just hanging out with everyone. The evening started to come to an end when all of a sudden Alex looks at me and says "if you keep looking at me like that I'm going to kiss you." SAY WHAT NOW?!?! Keep in mind, not an ounce of flirting had gone on the entire night. So I'm totally caught off guard! But being the feisty person I am, I replied with "Don't threaten me with a good time!" :) So he took the plunge and kissed me and thats how our love story began. In a pub/bar/grill, in Redlands California, on St. Patricks Day.
"When you meet the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
After dating for almost a year- to the date Alex asked me to marry him. A year after that on 3-13-2011 we were married in Riverside, CA at the Historic Mission Inn Hotel and Spa.
Right away we knew we wanted to try and start a family. Call me naive but I thought you fell in love, got married, had a family, and lived happily ever after. Of course no ones life is perfect, coming from a chaotic and divorced home I knew some thangs (yes thangs) could happen along the way, but nothing like I was about to experience. After about 5 looooong months of trying diligently to get pregnant, (I say loooong sarcasitcally as it has now been almost 5 years and we still don't have our baby) it finally happened! I remember taking a digital clear blue pregnancy test and after taking about a million that said so rudley "not pregnant" I was convinced this one would say the same. I told my husband to read me the results. I remember we were both standing in the bathroom together wearing matching white v neck pajama shirts. Why that is important I can't tell you, but its something that just sticks out in my mind. So he looks at the test and then tells me "You're pregnant!" Really?! After all the times I've waited to see that pop up on that little damn test, the ONE time you read it and its positive?? lol. Figures.
Ive never seen my husband so scared lol and so happy.
I immediately called my Dr. to try and get an appointment and of course I had to wait until I was about 8 weeks along. At this point I was probably about 5 weeks. So the day of my dr.s appointment rolls around and we are as excited as can be. But as soon as we get to the dr.s office, I noticed I started to have some mild cramping and spotting. I told my Dr. and she said that was probably normal as long as the spotting was minimal. She said we would do some blood work to check my hormone levels and then check them again in a day or so to make sure they were doubling.
Up till this point I had never even heard of the word miscarriage. Never. Not once.
Later that evening my Dr. called letting me know my blood work came back and I was infact pregnant. WOO HOO!!! The spotting had stopped and everything was looking awesome.
But like I said, the party never stops.
The next day after my husband went to work I remember laying in bed with our pitbull Athena just sleeping away when all of a sudden I felt a lot of cramping. I got up to use the restroom and it was as if I just started my period. Huh?? I remember thinking, How can you be pregnant and on your period? Must be normal...right? I called my Dr. and she tells me to go to the E.R., Alex comes home from work, we are at the E.R. after having already given blood work just waiting to hear what the heck is going on with our baby.
Of course during all of this Alex-being the calming force that he is, is googling away and telling me stories he is finding of people who bleed throughout their entire pregnancy.
The E.R. dr. comes in and tells us that my levels had gone down from the last blood work and that I am having a miscarriage. Miscarriage??? Whats that??? What does that mean?? How can we fix that??? We are healthy, I'm a good person, we go to church, we are MARRIED, ya know... first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage???
"It means that for whatever reason, something was probably wrong with your baby while it was developing and your body is just terminating the pregnancy. You will have to follow up with your Dr."
I had a lot of emotions running through me at this point as you can imagine. But for some reason I remember finding myself really upset with my dad. Why did I not know that this could happen?? Why had I never heard the word miscarriage before?? What could I have done to prevent this?? Why didn't HE tell me about any of this?? I felt totally lost.
Growing up it was just my dad, my brother and me, The three musketeers is what we used to call ourselves. My mom left when I was around 5 and hadn't resurfaced until I was about 12/13. So everything I learned about life or being a woman I learned from my mom, I mean dad. Mr. Mom.
After being totally depressed for about a month my Dr. reassured my that it was totally normal to experience a miscarriage and most women do in fact miscarry there first pregnancy and then continue on to have perfectly healthy babies. I remember having never felt so heartbroken. How could God allow us to create a little beautiful person that we wanted so badly and then just take it away?
So after mourning the loss of our first baby, we found the strength to try again.